Alone
Grief. That was the only word that made sense to him after the many days, weeks, months, and... what felt like years (hell, maybe it was years, he wasn't sure at this point) that had passed since the Wintivalian healer isolated himself from the rest of the world. Most of his days were spent attempting to meditate on this island he'd willingly exiled himself to, but, as with everything else these days, it never worked out. Every time, without fail, some cold gust of wind which certainly wouldn't have bothered him before, or some stray noise whose identity he could no longer determine the legitimacy of, would send him hurdling back into the desolate reality that his life had become.
Part of that reality was the radical acceptance, or rather avoidance, of his prior upkeep in appearance. Not to say he'd let himself go, but there was no longer a need to have freshly ironed clothes each morning, nor was there any reason to maintain the clean shave of his pale face. Instead, he focused on maintaining a certain form. One that was more practical and fitting for the immediate needs of the island. Fishing. Gardening. Gathering wood, when needed. You name it, he did it. All while staying wrapped in his wintry furs.
He and his sister, Solace, were still close; however, she'd oftentimes find herself channeling this newfound plethora of time into her work, travel, men, women, alcohol, or some combination of all five. And, while she was absent, Jay was left with nothing to accompany him aside from the increasingly paranoid whispers and his foxes… which he could swear were beginning to form their own sentences... right?
Back to the whispers.
They were constant. A perpetual reminder of all the things that could have been. The only things he had wanted in life. He wanted a lasting and loving marriage. He wanted his and his dearest friend's dream of revolutionizing education and health in Templehelm by means of Akademiya to become a reality. And, at night, when the whispers would subside, and he was left to roam in his dreams -- he wanted a family. He wanted to wake up each morning next to a cozy fireplace with his husband and children wrapped around him, sipping peppermint hot cocoa while snow draped the island in pillowy blankets. He'd squeeze them all tightly, turning to smile at his belov-
Drip.
"No!" He yelped out, sitting upright. Jay looked around for his family, quickly realizing that they weren't there. They weren't real. His eyes were welling up again.
The reaction typically varied slightly, but, at about the same time each morning, just as the sun would begin to peer over the horizon, the tiniest bit of snow melted on his roof. And, as that snow melted, a chilly droplet would form and seep right through a leak in that roof, soon plummeting right onto the dark-brunette-haired man. Regardless of what position he slept in, Jay never seemed to escape the cold, damp reality that his life had become.
That was it, he was going to plug the leak. No more damn leak.
He grabbed a couple of planks and some tools, threw on an overcoat, and began to march up the small mountain behind his cabin. Hopping onto the roof from the overhang was easiest. Sure, his knees were going to regret this one day, but, that's a problem for one-day-Jay. As he climbed, it felt as though each step grew heavier than the one before.
After what felt like way too long, he finally reached the peak and went to grab onto the last little bit of scraggly rock to pull himself onto the top, which was nothing more than an ill-shaped platform. He could tell his strength had waned over the years alone. A pull-up like this would've been nothing during his years of activity.
CrlACK
That ill-shaped platform became even iller-shaped as the majority of it cracked off, leaving the man with only one hand hanging. Instinctually, he lurched himself onto the top of the mountain and exhaled. But, that exhale was short-lived once he realized that his supplies had gone tumbling down behind him. A few seconds later, a ruinous crash could be heard as the planks of wood shattered and the tools were scattered.
Jay just sat and stared.
Defeat. Pure and utter defeat. His mind was consumed by it. Not just with those shattered planks, with everything. He had spent years attempting to cultivate what would have been a happy life only for it to all slip through his desperate fingers and leave him here. A hollow shell of who he once was.
He brought a shaking, tatter-gloved hand to his temple. Both his arms fell limp and he let out a scream for what felt like the first time in his entire life. The sound was guttural. It was angry, and it was full of anguish.
He stared for a moment. Trying to process what had just occurred; but, something in his peripheral vision kept calling for his attention. His brunette head turned to face the edge of the cliff. He knew why it whispered as he drew ever so slightly toward it. The thought of it didn't sound so bad. Release. Release from this torture and release from this suffering. Jay had failed. Heal as he might, he failed Artemix by not being there to stop her death. He failed Anivia by not yet having the diplomatic edge or political prowess to quell its, nor Serenity's, storm. He failed his friends, who were now either dead, psychotic, or nowhere to be seen. But, now, he would not fail in joining them. He closed his eyes and began to lean forward.
"JAY!"
The healer's eyes snapped open. Just as he was about to lose balance and go plummeting, he fell back toward the general direction of his iron-clad sister's voice.
"Solace!" He howled out with a broken voice. Jay fell to his knees and wept.
Solace, who had never been the one someone would call on to comfort them, tackled her brother into the ground and squeezed him tightly, tears welling up in her own eyes.
Escape
Once Jay's internal tempest passed, he and Solace sat down and the Wintivalian healer tried his best to put into words how he felt. It was painstaking, letting it all out. There had been no one for either of them to confide in for quite some time, and, now that they finally had, a conclusion was reached regarding their situation.
"We should leave," Jay suggested it first.
"The island?"
"No. Templehelm."
She stared at him blankly, "Isn't that impossible?"
Jay shrugged back at her, "I've never met anyone who's actually tried. Have you?"
"No, probably because anyone who has is fucking dead, Jay."
The siblings went back and forth on it for a bit before Solace finally put her foot down.
"Jay. It's not worth the risk…" She sighed, "Look, I know you're not in the best place right now but you've gotta realize this is stupid and irrational. We could just as easily die."
Jay nodded back at her, seemingly agreeing with her, "You're right."
"Glad that's settled then."
The two then spent their evening by the fireplace, Solace internally watching Jay like a hawk while he stared intently into the flames. They crackled harmoniously throughout the night, showing a stark contrast to the ashy mound which had sat unlit for who knows how long.
At one point or another and against her own well wishes for her brother, Solace passed out. And, during her slumber, Jay stared for a little while longer; unfortunately though, this peace only lasted so long before Jay began listening to the waves outside. Having overcome the cliff, it seemed the ocean now called out to him. Begging him to follow one of its many currents outside this wretched land. He knew Solace was right, but he had already made up his mind.
Jay felt his hand reach for his old traveling bag. He was going to go, and, once he found a way out of Templehelm, he'd come back for Solace. Doing his best not to disturb her, Jay packed that bag, and, before he left, he kissed each of his foxes on the forehead goodbye, "I'll be back for you." To the foxes, though, it seemed like their typically friendly, human companion was on the brink of insanity.
The Wintivalian then descended to the icy shores of his island, inhaling the cool, salty air before stepping onto one of the Myntu family ships. The same one that, all those years ago, had brought him and Solace to this wretched land. Just as Jay was about to hoist the anchor onto the deck, his nose was engulfed with the overwhelming smell of smoke. He dropped the rope to the anchor, looking up and squinting. It was a full moon tonight, and, as it beautifully illuminated the rolling waves that were in his gaze, he noticed an absence of that illumination only a short distance away. In its place was a small ship. Not a sailing ship. A sinking one, and it was headed straight for the island. As it inched nearer, Jay could see something glimmering through one of the holes toward the bottom. He thought it might've been a lantern, or the glint of a matchstick, until he heard it.
BOOM
The hull blasted open and the ship was engulfed in flames.
Jay dropped his bag and sprinted back to the cabin. Whatever thread of insanity that was in him moments ago fell away. Somebody needed help. "Solace! Solace, wake up! There's a shipwreck! We have to help them!"
His sister snapped awake, grabbing her ax and bolting for the door, Jay in tow.
By morning, what remained of the ship had washed ashore or sunk into the sea. The two Wintivalians had dampened the fire enough to look for survivors. Out of the thirteen bodies they recovered, only three were still breathing. They were young. Probably just barely getting into their teenage years, if that. One was a girl, with olive skin and brown hair, a shade or two lighter than Jay's, bordering on auburn. The other two were boys, both with dark hair. One tan in complexion and the other pale.
Jay and Solace rushed the children inside. Jay made haste and got to work with assessing the trio. The girl and one of the boys were stable, thankfully, although the girl had several burns and the boy had a nasty gash on his leg. That said, the pale boy was unresponsive. Fearing he had taken in too much water, Jay began compressions while directing Solace to tend to the other two's flesh wounds. "Steady pace…" Jay mumbles to himself.
Several minutes go by while the healer's brow furrows. Biting his lower lip, he stops the compressions and tosses his gloves aside. A moment of hesitation is quickly extinguished as he holds his palm over the boy. Small, teal hued swirls of light begin to flow outward, eventually moving to rest above the pale boy's chest. Jay's eyes close, and the light's luminosity swells. Roughly a minute and a half later, coughing can be heard. Jay's eyes flash open. The light fades, and water gushes from the boy's mouth. He applies a gentle yet firm motion which swiftly flushes the seawater from out of the boy's system.
Once stabilized, Jay and Solace rushed the children inside, with Jay making haste and getting to work on checking the condition of the trio. They were stable, thankfully. Outside the one nearly drowning, they mostly wore flesh wounds. They would heal in time.
While the children rested in the infirmary, Jay and Solace saw to it that the bodies were given proper and respectful burials. This was from a mixture of wanting to lay these poor people to rest the right way, but also, it would be rather impractical to leave nearly a dozen corpses on the shore. Jay said a few words that could have been viewed as respectful to any and all faiths (or lacking's thereof), whom these people could have been a part of.
He and Solace turned their attention back to their home. It now had more occupants than ever before, and… over half of them were children, the likes of which neither Jay nor Solace had ever raised (unless raising themselves counted).
Realizing what a whirlwind the past day had been, they met each other's eyes before simultaneously mouthing one word, "Fuck."
Faolan, Lenore, and Marianna Myntu
Two weeks had passed since that fateful day on the shore, and the children were now awake. Over hot cocoa, Jay was able to glean that their names were Faolan, Lenore, and Marianna. They were riding on that ship with their families and had been asleep when the explosion upended their lives. Sadly, they didn't recall much of what had happened prior to awaking within Jay's in-lodge infirmary.
"If you three wish it, Solace and I could return you to your homes? Do any of you have any relatives we could take you back to." Jay wondered if they might have some relatives they could restart their lives with. However, the somber glances that flashed across their faces indicated they had no such family. Those looks took Jay back to when he and Solace had first arrived in Templehelm. Alone, scrappy, and without somewhere to call home. His mind also traveled to the good times which followed after that. The homes they were welcomed in, along with the homes and lives they eventually built.
Jay faced the three children, catching a nod from Solace as though she knew what he was about to say. "Or… you guys could stay with us? It's just Solace and I here, and we could use some help around the island." Jay then glanced around at all the little things he and Solace had let go to the wayside. Dusty railings and unorganized cabinets plagued the cabin. "In return, we can give you a home, and hopefully some guidance to boot."
With a handful of looks at one another, the trio accepted their offer for a home.
Years passed and life got easier. Yes, they were still "alone" on that island, but they weren't really alone anymore. With new purpose came new life, and the three children had breathed that new life back into not only Jay, but Solace as well. Jay finally had something to get up for in the mornings again, and Solace had put a lot of her bad habits behind her. Jay got that leaky roof fixed, and the children carried out their own list of responsibilities to help improve things on the island. Their cabin began to feel much more like the lodge it was originally built to be, and plans were drawn for a small port, a lighthouse, a garden, and several other projects to be completed with time and care.
Motivated as ever, Jay returned to his studies of healing and botany, this time with three little sets of eyes curiously watching. He reviewed the notes that Artemix had willed him all those years ago. But now, he was making his own, too. Seeking new healing endeavors that either he or these children can one day see the fruition of. And, as a passion project, he and the kids had begun that beautiful garden.
While Jay studied, Solace honed her craft. Those curious eyes were watching her, too. As her weapons and tools grew sharper, and armor sturdier, so did she.
Once the children grew well into their teenage years, Jay and Solace knew a time would eventually come to train them. This world was too cruel for them not to be prepared for it.
Up first was sword training with Jay. They would learn the heavier weapons with Solace later, once they could hold them better. First, they needed a solid form to serve as foundation for the years to come. Jay tossed them a sword and flashed a taunt with his newly ignited eyes that said 'Come at me.'
Faolan, Lenore, and Marianna charged Jay as the old Wintivalian combat medic hit a defensive stance -- their blades, and eyes, were locked. Marianna went at him head-on while Lenore went for his legs and Faolan attempted to sneak behind him. Jay, realizing that these three were now in the same position that he was with an old friend, began to remember her sage advice. It came to him as effortlessly as it did her all those years ago.
"Everlasting peace is a faerie tale. We can run or hide from pain and suffering all we want until we can run no more."
This seemed to surprise them, as their father figure's typically lax demeanor turned into one of poise and precision. Before they could formulate a response, Jay used their surprise to parry all three away, knocking them back so hard that they staggered and fell to their elbows, blunt swords falling aside. He looked down at them, wearing a blanket of sunlight from above.
"You three know my primary focus is healing. I learned it from my master, who was a pacifist. And while it worked for her, she wasn't always one… She also didn't go out like one. For me, a Zeolite spear through the gut taught me that life has a way of catching up with us. Always. You must be ready for it every time you look over your shoulder. Live yours to the fullest and do not let the paranoia of war consume you, but never let your guard down."
He then offered the three a hand, pulling them up and tossing their swords, "Again."
Jay readied his sword, and they went at him, this time with a bit more fire. Swords clashed throughout the afternoon.
As the sun was setting, he strode to their nearby gear and gathered it up, "You three can't trust anyone, at least until you know their true intentions. You know this, yes?"
The kids groaned, "Yes, dad, you only say it every other day."
Jay smiled after hearing them call him dad, relaxing his posture and throwing the packs of gear at the trio. They caught it with an exhausted huff. "Then I hope you hold onto it. Be fair, and be kind to people, but always keep your wits about you. Question authority, question faith. Question everything. That skepticism is the only way you'll learn." He then gestured to the cabin, "And, perhaps, at some point, you'll have found who it is that you are along the way."
Solace, who had been observing from the porch, had a grin on her face. She'd not seen Jay this happy in a long time, and she couldn't wait to teach these little boogers how to bludgeon shit with an axe. As Jay walked and the trio trudged up the hill, Faolan and Marianna whined out while Lenore grimaced, "How come we have to carry all this stuff back when you won?" Jay smiled.
"Tradition."
Home
That night, Jay stoked the now constantly lit flames of their fireplace and made himself cozy. Around the sofa sat Faolan, Lenore, and Marianna, while Solace snoozed in a nearby armchair. He had made his signature peppermint hot cocoa. And, as they sipped, he could feel the tiredness of a cool winter's night setting in. Outside, snow draped their island and home in pillowy blankets. The three quickly fell asleep in his arms, and Solace could be heard snoring lightly. Jay took one last sip of cocoa before sitting it down and pulling them close.
The Wintivalian's teal gaze, which had softened over the years, looked down at the three, then over at Solace once more. As he went back to listening to the crackle of the fireplace, Jay couldn't help but welcome a warm smile onto his face. His eyes began to well up, but this time for a different reason. The whispers had stopped. The foxes had stopped forming their own sentences. It wasn't a dream anymore, and though this didn't look exactly like what he had dreamed of, he looked down at what he now cherished and thought to himself, 'This is more than enough. This is perfect. This is home.'
